Coming Clean
by Jezebel Malice
Summary: [oneshot] She loved the stormy days, because it was her only escape. What happens when what she's running from follows her? (femmeslash: Minds on Fire)


(A/n. Okay, so this is a bit awkward; I'm doing a songfic to a Hilary Duff song. About six months ago, when I was writing this fic, I just happened to be listening to the TV and this song came on. I thought it was totally perfect for the title and the entire feeling of the fic itself. So yes, here we go.)

DISCLAMER: I do not own the Harry Potter characters or imaginary places. They are owned and created by Joanne Rowling, published by Scholastic Books Inc, Bloomsbury Books Inc, Raincoat Books Inc. Warner Brothers Inc, and others. No money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended. (I think we have already established that this is Hilary Duff's song, which will be placed between 's.)

Coming Clean: Ginny POV

_Let's go back  
Back to the beginning  
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned_

I want to go back before I knew I felt these things. Back to a simpler time. Right now everything is a little mixed up in my head. I watch the dark clouds rolling in on the horizon. It's going to rain.  
I love the rain. I love how it smells, how it feels, how it tastes. It's so clean, so pure. It reminds me of her. The only difference is she doesn't make me feel pure, but she, herself, is. Like I said things are messed up right now

_'Cause perfect doesn't feel so perfect  
Trying to fit a square into a circle_

But back to what I was saying: pure. She has been dating Harry for a year, and, to my knowledge, nothing has happened between them. I wish I could say the same thing, you know, about being pure. I'm not saying I'm a slut, but I'm not saying I haven't had my share of 'friends'. I refused to sleep with them though, so I wasn't as bad as I make myself sound. I begin to hear a sound on the window pane, rain.

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams_

I love it when it rains. I like to go out and run in weather like this. It is the only time that I can forget everything momentarily.

_Let it wash away  
My sanity_

When I go out it feels like I become part of nature. I feel like I am the rain. For a little while I can feel like I am one of those droplets and say I'm free. I can say I'm clean. I'm okay with 'kind of' and 'for the moment', because this is how it has to be.  
I guess its going to storm. There is a flash of lightning out my window. I want to go out there.

_'Cause I wanna feel the thunder_

It isn't exactly a want anymore. It is a need. I just need to leave this house and go into the open prairie, just beyond to wood. I need to lie in the grass and let the rain fall on me. It needs to fall in me. I need to be one with it; I need to let it penetrate my being.

_I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down_

I need to go now.

_I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

I walk down the hall and look into the spare bedroom that she's staying in. There is a flash, shortly followed by a low rumbling outside. She doesn't even flinch or look up from her book.  
"Hi Ginny," she says. She knows I'm here and does not even need to look up to see me. I can't help but let a small, sad smile enter my features.  
"Hi." This is so pathetic; I cannot even talk to her properly. All I've done this summer is exchange pleasantries with her, never actually talking about anything. If we were to actually talk about something important I would feel like I was lying.  
She looks up and notices the rotten excuse for a smile on my face. "How are you?" she asks, with a look of concern. How do I answer that?

_I'm shedding  
Shedding every color  
Trying to find a pigment of truth  
Beneath my skin_

"Fine," I finally say. 'As fine as I can be,' I add in my mind. I try and avoid those chocolate eyes. I am not fine. I love her, everything about her. I love her, the most forbidden of all fruits.  
She catches my lie. "You don't seem fine; you seem to be acting really different lately." She pauses for a minute, and then continues; "Well, not really different, but not like you. I don't know."

_'Cause different  
Doesn't feel so different_

"Don't worry, 'Moine, I am fine." I feel so terrible to lie, but I have to.  
She sees right through it "I'm sure you are." She stands to give me a hug.  
I step back. "I have to go."

_And going out is better  
Then always staying in_

I have to get out of here. Run, Ginny, just run. She walks to the door and stands in my way. "I can't let you go out in weather like this, besides; I need to talk to you."  
"No," I say firmly, "I'm going, move." Please, I need to get out.

_Feel the wind_

I push past her.  
"Wait!" she calls to me, but I've already made it down the hall. When I get to the stairs I start slowly, but step by step I go faster. Finally I break into a run. I run through the kitchen, out the back door, over the porch, into the yard, towards the wood. It is really dark out. The cold rain is pelting against my face, as my hair falls out of the bun it was in. The ribbon holding my hair in place falls into the green grass below. Now my lightly damp hair cascades down my back as I run. It beats against my shoulders rhythmically with each foot forward.  
Lightning flickers and my path in the wood is lit for a few precious seconds. There is a crackle of thunder, but I can barely hear it. My vision is blurry as I collapse in the long prairie grass. I pant, letting the rain take me.

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
Let it wash away  
My sanity_

I faintly hear my name and I am pulled out of my blanket of rain. She must have followed me out here. I glance up. She is standing on the edge of the open field and the woods. I don't think she can see me, so she calls again. This time I can hear her clearly:  
"Ginny! Are you out here!" She searches frantically with her eyes.

_I wanna scream  
__'Cause I wanna feel the thunder_

I suppose I should reveal my position, because I hate to worry her. I stand reluctantly. She spots me and runs over. She embraces me tightly.  
"You had me so scared for a minute there, Gin." She suddenly gets serious, "You are soaking wet! We have to get you back in the house. Why on earth are you out here when it's pouring?"  
"Why are you?" I say rather harshly.  
She gives me a stern look. I'm mad because she knows. She knows. She looks me in the eyes. "Just... you know why I'm out here."  
"I know why I'm out here too," I continue being an arse.  
She hits my shoulder, "Shut-up. Why the fuck do you have to be so damn difficult?"  
"I'm not." I pout. "I just wanted to be alone, and here you are, making me not alone."  
"You came out here," she gestures around us, "when it's pouring out? You're insane." Then she smiles.  
"Yes," I say, refusing my lips to smile back.

_Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

I can't believe she's been here all summer and not noticed me leave during the rains. I can't believe she's been here all summer and I've kept myself quiet.  
"What's going on with you?" she questions, concerned.  
I reply to her, with the standard; "nothing."  
"Please, Ginny, don't lie to me. It's not nothing; nothing wouldn't make you act like this." She makes a small frustrated noise. "You used to tell me things, and so far this summer you've told me nothing. What are you trying to hide?"

_I'm coming clean._

Her eyes get distracted by lightning playing across the sky behind me. She jumps when the thunder crashes. She seems to forget why she came out here, because she's stepped back and done a twirl. "I see why you wanted to come out here. It's beautiful. I feel so free." She inhales a breath.

_Let the rain fall_

"I'm sorry," I say, snapping her back to reality. "My mind has been keeping me busy. I haven't been able to explain to you what I've been feeling. I don't mean that to insult you, but I just can't explain it." I pause. "I really--" She puts her fingers to my lips. Electricity courses through my body.  
"Shh, I know. Its okay, I'm confused too." she pulls her hand away from my mouth as she talks and looks into my eyes. "I don't think I love him anymore. I mean, that didn't come out right. I do love Harry, I'd marry him in a second, but I'm not in love with him. He doesn't make me feel how I think I should feel." She stops, takes my hand. She looks at mine intently and fidgets with it as she continues, "He doesn't make me feel like you do."  
I do all I can think to do at this moment; I sit and let the rain drench us further, without responding in the least. She looks at me somewhat sadly. Her eyes making my thoughts drown.

_Let the rain fall  
I'm coming clean_

She shakes her head, "I'm sorry."  
"For what? You didn't do anything," now it's my turn to be concerned.  
"This is going to be a difficult thing, and you know that. You also know I'm not stupid, and that I know how you feel, because you wear your emotions on your sleeve." She takes a step forward. "Mostly I'm sorry for getting you involved in a situation like this, but I can't wait anymore."  
I was going to tell her I was okay with it, but she seemed to know because her lips are covering mine. Soft and perfect. Nights of dreaming fulfilled in a single second.

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
__Let it wash away  
My sanity_

She pulls away and the lighting flashes again. She hugs me tightly and mumbles into my wet shoulder, "I love you."  
I am almost shocked at her honesty, "What?"  
She looks at me and repeats herself; "I love you."  
"No," I say, "I heard you, but I don't understand."  
"Well, what isn't to understand? It means exactly what it says: I- Love-You," she smiled mockingly. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. You know that."  
"Yeah, you're right." I think I'm going to burst with happiness.  
Her grin only gets bigger, "Of course I'm right, I'm always right."  
I play into the sarcasm too, "What was I thinking! I knew that."  
We both laugh. We always used to joke like that. The stuff we laugh at is stupid, but we laugh anyway. We sit for a bit longer. The rain has successfully managed to make us look and feel like we've been thrown into a swimming pool with out clothes on.  
"Were you being serious?" I ask suddenly.  
She thinks for a moment before she speaks, "Yeah, like I said, I wouldn't say it--"  
"--If it weren't true, yeah, yeah. It's just--" she cuts me off.  
Her lips making mine their home again. This time her tongue decides to play at the space between my lips. I willingly play back. She stops.  
"Trust me Ginny." All I want is her lips on mine again.

_'Cause I wanna feel the thunder  
I wanna scream_

Though my thoughts are lustful at the moment I say what she longs to hear honestly, because I mean it; "I love you too, Hermione." I feel myself blush, because it's what I've felt since forever. She has a smile, struggling to appear, at the corners of her lips. Then she sighs and leans her head on my shoulder.  
We sit quietly, coming clean in more ways than one. She feels it too; I know she does because she is more relaxed than she's ever been. She also feels the same tension I feel though it's small. It's the tension of what we both know is coming. There is more coming clean we need to do, but I don't know that she wants to risk Harry. In fact, she doesn't want to jeopardize their friendship at all, but he'll be torn apart either way. We can't hide forever though, and she knows it. She also knows I have a hard time lying, but I will for her, for as long as my conscience will let me. I shouldn't worry right now, because I'm happier than I've been in a long time. For the moment the world is as it should be.  
She turns and pokes my nose, and with a smile she says "beep." She runs. I get up to chase her, my dampened jeans weighing me down, and I know I will catch her. Once I do I'll hold her, and, for the moment, call her mine.

_Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

(A/n. Interesting. I had a lot of fun writing that. I love rain and I've wanted to use it as a major element in one of my fics. I had a hard time with present tense, because I like past tense a lot. It's always good to try something new, right? Right. Until next time. Jessi)

(edited with much love by Z.S., 04/august/2005)


End file.
